The status of my brain:
I have a lot going on.
I wrote a blog last week announcing my plan: to “get away for a while” for a nervous system tune-up.
What’s that mean, you ask?
I’m a human
I live in our weird weird world
The world is extra extra weird right now
My Original Plan to “Tune-Up My Nervous System “ (The Plan I Abandoned in One Day)
Go to a place with a great website that allegedly specializes in my needs, and offers holistic modalities, plus a bunch of other shit that, in reality, they do NOT offer
Upon admission, quickly discover the whole place is “off” (and bordering on unsafe), to say the least
Spend 1 night in a brand new house that seems designed to resemble a refurbished barn, staffed by a handful of uncredentialed teenagers and occupied by 5 adult “clients.” Yep. Them, and me.
Try to sleep while listening to said 5 men blaring “Prison Break” on the 60-inch TV with which you share a wall. Observe that in lieu of therapeutic groups or activities, watching TV appears to be the primary activity at this “healing center.”
Take an Uber home in the rain
Stop eating because your stomach is rejecting even the mental image of food, but in the midst of all this, somehow—still—manage to connect with a better/safer option….IN CALIFORNIA, icing on the psychiatric cake.
So I’m headed there tomorrow, to do the following:
Pivoting: Maybe this explains my “issues?”
Am I a textbook “walking contradiction?” (See above). I won’t pretend I understand how to juggle positivity, acceleration, limits, realism, AND innovation.
Usually, I’m an overachiever. It catches up with me. Right now I’m breaking, but I’m reconstructing at the same time. I’m sad and shaken up, but somehow feel nourished and excited too. I’m changing at a pace I’ve never experienced.
PIVOTING: Have you heard Kim Gordon’s recent music? I wish she was my life coach
Current brain updates/closing the loop
The New Plan I Devised (Immediately After Ditching the Original Plan)
Call everyone I know in California, and figure out a better plan/place.
Let the “better place” go ahead and pay for my plane ticket - why not?
Arrive tomorrow and do my best to suck it up and go with the flow.
FYI - can’t use phone/computer for.3 days, then I can have both. Yay, just like a real adult! Whew.
Until now I foolishly assumed I could keep my “day job life” separate from my creative life. I no longer think it’s possible to hide much of anything in this digital universe. I no longer feel like hiding, so I guess this is good timing.
Time to reflect on merging worlds; blending my talents, interests, and earning potential. Integration. (Confession: I stole a lot of these insights from a reading with
- if you’re searching for a wizard-level astrologer (that’s not a real term BTW), you’re welcome. :)I think I’ve decided that if I feel I have to apologize for writing blogs about stuff like rafts and alpacas and mental health…then, well, I can also choose to NOT FEEL LIKE apologizing.
I can just stop fucking apologizing.
It’s all in the stars.
If THIS plan fails, whatever, I’ll figure out plan Z. I always do.
Gramma Zupan’s favorite line: ”Never explain!”
Onward, my girl!